It Feels Like Society Keeps Trying to Count Me Out

The first time I had the feeling of being counted out by society, I didn't know how to respond. This was in my senior year of high school, Winter 2004. Thinking about next steps in my academic career, I brought a Norfolk State University application to my high school guidance counselor hoping she would assist me in filling it out. I had known the counselor for some years and heard she was “the expert” I could turn to for support. Being the first in my family to even consider college, I also had no one within my circle who could help. 

I should say here that I am a Black woman, and the counselor is White — as were the vast majority of adults during my time as a student. The counselor invited me into her office and took the application from my hand, while motioning for me to have a seat. I assumed she would look over the application and guide me through the process of filling it out so I could present myself as a good candidate. Instead, she turned and dropped the application in the wastebasket and told me I would do really well in trade school. Trade school, she said, would prepare me for the work field. She then proceeded to sign me up for a local trade school while I sat stunned and dejected. When I left her office, I felt too ashamed to tell anyone else that I had even thought about going to college. 

I eventually shook off the counselor’s low opinion of me and applied to college, where I thrived and got my degree in education. In fact, in 2012, when I became a teacher, I ran into my former guidance counselor. We were working in the same school. When I reminded her of our previous conversation, she apologized — though she also said she did not remember the incident.

Still feeling a bit stung, I accepted her apology. I knew I needed to let the incident go. I couldn’t allow her to write any more chapters of my life story. 

Sadly, however, this wasn’t the only time a White adult in school tried to count me out. As noted, upon receiving my Bachelor’s degree, I became an educator. This was my way of putting the pen to the paper in my life story, a way to rebuild my self-esteem and prove society wrong.

But society wasn’t going to make it easy for me. As a young Black teacher, I had to endure a painful professional meeting with my principal, who made it clear that my college, as she put it, “had done a disservice by giving me a degree.” To this day, I’m not sure what she was referring to. She provided no concrete examples or evidence for why she thought I was an ineffective teacher. Her criticism really bothered me because I was an unsupported first-year teacher, one of three educators of color in that school. I not only worked hard to get there, but I also had an exemplary record. Tears streamed down my face for days. But again, I didn’t want her to hold that kind of power over me. So, once more, I shook off the put-down. This time I re-enrolled in my university and quietly worked on a double Master’s degree. I didn’t do this to prove the principal, or anyone else, wrong. I got my double Master’s degree because I wanted to be a phenomenal educator who could support students well — especially students of color. I also knew I needed to try to persevere whenever society tries to count me out.

Now as an educator, I lead teacher professional development sessions in culturally responsive teaching. I want to make sure that all teachers support all students well. I want to see that students of color, in particular, break through barriers and shatter glass ceilings on their way to successful careers in school and life beyond. I love my work. It’s my passion, my calling, my way of showing society to be careful who they try to count out. It’s also my way of helping to build a better society, an antiracist society.

But even now, I can still run into educators who look through me. Recently, I met my daughter’s eighth-grade teacher on Zoom. It was in the fall of 2020, three weeks into virtual classes. This was the first time the teacher and I had a chance to connect — and sitting there with my baggy white T-shirt overlapping my cocoa brown skin, my brownish-blonde balayage locs, I could not mask my excitement about meeting the teacher so, together, we could help my child succeed in a high-school level math class while in eighth grade. 

But disappointment came quickly. The meeting went all wrong. The teacher couldn’t even fake a smile the entire time we talked. Her demeanor, tone, direct critical statements toward my daughter and me were so disrespectful and unprofessional. The teacher, who is White, acted as if she understood my daughter better than I did. She talked down to me as if I did not have a place — or perhaps didn’t know my place — when it comes to my own child’s academic journey. She ended the conversation by saying she wanted to immediately demote my daughter — this hard-working child of color (who has an IEP) — to a lower-level math class. 

So, here I was, once again hammered by the feeling that society was still trying to count me out. To make it worse, I was witnessing the way society wanted to count my daughter out, too.

Sadly, this teacher’s attitude toward my daughter is not unusual. I know that many other parents of color have had similar experiences with White teachers. I am determined, of course, to help my daughter succeed. But it would be so much better for her and other children of color if White educators would take more care, be more supportive, and understand what they need to do to help all children succeed. In my professional and personal experience, I know it can be done.

Related to my work helping develop culturally responsive teachers are my efforts to help other parents of color understand how to be assertive in the academic world. I help them understand the importance of building a supportive, caring team around their children of color. I also want students of color to know and actively hear that they have strengths, too. But wouldn’t it be better if this message were coming from every educator, too? Wouldn’t it be better if all educators worked to ensure the confidence, competence, and connection for all students while also finding ways to productively partner with parents? 

There is a new generation of educators who truly want to equip students of color and their families with the necessary tools to ensure their voices are heard. They want students of color and their families to be seen and respected. They want students of color to get the kind of education the teachers would want for their own children. The most impactful educators support students of color by meeting them where they are and growing with them from there. These teachers know that safety and acceptance, with no biases or judgments, must be the foundation for every interaction with students of color, but also that respect has to be worked for and earned. 

Unfortunately, not all White educators have come to this understanding. In my work to help educators become culturally responsive, a central element is helping White educators understand how to talk with and support students of color and their families. Overall, it starts with educators committing to bringing their best selves to the learning partnership with students and their parents. What does it mean to bring your best selves to your teaching practice? 

When it comes to classroom practices, I encourage you to focus on the following:

•  Learn about your racial identity and how it plays out in your work in school. Take the time to dive into your past and upbringing to better understand what might allow you to feel superior to your students and families of color — and how such feelings are counterproductive to teaching. 

• Engage in the professional development related to antiracist education and culturally responsive teaching. This will ensure that you grow as a teacher — especially in your ability to relate to students of color and their families. 

• Check your mindset daily. Be careful that your actions, intentional or otherwise, are not counting certain students out!  

• Stop counting children of color out of advanced education opportunities. This includes students with IEP’s. More often than not, students of color are unfairly tracked to lower-level courses. Too many White educators hold low opinions and expectations of students of color and even lower opinions and expectations of students of color with IEPs. A key aspect of culturally competent teaching is that you hold and communicate high expectations for all students.

• Focus more on engaging in student-centered learning and reshaping your curriculum so it's culturally inclusive. These are central elements of both culturally responsive teaching and quality 21st-century teaching. 

In terms of developing strong relationships with parents of color, I encourage the following:

• Start with the obvious: There is never a reason to talk around or down to a parent of color, or blatantly ignoring them. And you should never yell at a child. There should never be a moment where a parent of color feels like you are disciplining their child for them. Keep the real expert, the parent of every child, at the forefront. 

• In the spirit of collaboration with parents, create an open, two-way system of communications — so you know their expectations for their child and they know your expectations for all students.

• Get to know the cultural background of all of your students. If possible, visit the homes of students of color and their parents. Think in terms of earning their respect and trust.

• Invite parents of color into the school and your classroom and make them feel welcome. Host family nights to get to know them and invite them back as an expert around a cultural tradition or topic in their family. Support and empower parents of color in taking part in parent-teacher organizations and related committees. Send to each home newsletters that celebrate the work you and the students do collectively.

• Don’t make assumptions about a child’s academic aspirations. Ask. Then support them.

I often imagine how differently the conversation with my child’s 8th-grade teacher would have gone if her teacher had an understanding of and had acknowledged within herself the full impact she can have on my daughter’s academic journey. My greatest hope is for this message to help other educators understand that the vast majority of parents of color hold their children to the highest expectations. What they want from teachers is a shared commitment to helping ensure the best outcomes for their children. The growth of students of color requires educators to check their biases so they can see students of color for all their potential greatness. Only then will we really start to see more positive shifts toward shrinking the racial achievement gap in education and doing our part to build a truly antiracist society.  

What I want is for no students of color to ever feel counted out of society.

Shay Carter-Shifflet is a certified Culturally Responsive Teacher and the Diversity Resource Leader for her elementary school. She is a wife, mother, and dedicated educator in her eighth year of teaching and looking to make a difference in the education system everywhere, starting within her hometown.